Liam Neeson, Where Were You?
I know myself. In fact, I’d say I know myself really well. I’m happy, I’m easily excitable, I’m reliable, I’m a fab companion on an adventure, and I’m really funny. No, really – it’s true… Ok, so I think I’m really funny, and I have my moments. I’m a little bit bonkers and I’m content with that.
So, you can imagine my confusion when I woke up one day and felt different. No energy, no real desire to do anything, no motivation; happy, but not glowing. Reciprocating texts, but not really engaging or biting on invites. And more importantly, not reaching out to my favourites to see how they were.
This confusion followed me for a few weeks, as I tried to reflect on what happened and why I felt different. And then, whilst sipping my second cup of coffee one child free morning, it hit me: my “sparkle” had gone.
No, wait; not gone – taken!
Side note: Liam Neeson had (apparently) been spotted in our area driving a little red Metro. It was posted by a friend on Facebook, and ever since that post, it has made me laugh a few times to imagine him undercover in the leafy Surrey areas, trying to solve a complicated case. Where was he, eh!?
It occurred to me that I had inadvertently surrounded myself with negative people. Golden rule number one: broken. These people were not friends, but colleagues, and although I could feel their negative energy on my arrival at this new place of employment, my rose-tinted glasses meant that I was so focused on the prize of a new job, that I refused to see the the small cracks that were there from the start.
Looking back now, those cracks on closer inspection had been stitched together with pretty embroidery, to disguise their true value. Furthermore, I accepted this as “fixed”, and carried on on my journey.
The impact on me: like a frog who is slowly boiled, my sparkle was slowly drained from me until I had barely any left for myself. We, as humans are very good at placing plasters over cracks; avoiding what’s staring us in the face, selecting the information that suits us, deleting what makes us feel awkward until the story we tell ourself suits our needs.
Hang on… rewind.
“We, as humans are very good at placing plasters over cracks; avoiding what’s staring us in the face, selecting the information that suits us, deleting what makes us feel awkward until the story we tell ourself suits our needs.”
As I started to unpick the embroidery, I was shocked to see what had always been there. Why could I not see this before ? What and why do we apply filters to our lives? For me, lessons had most definitely been learnt. I took the very brave move to take myself out of that situation, and several weeks into my detox, I felt better and I could feel my sparkle return.
A valuable reflection (and in some ways, an awakening) for me, is that I will no longer allow nor accept this type of lens to cover up what my intuition tells me.